I need to hide my feeling so I can see you everyday. Is it worth it? For now that's all I have. So the answer is yes. This unrequited love is fun. I smile and enjoy every second of the pain when we’re laying side by side. Usually, I don't let words hurt my feeling. That night, you came and stabbed me with your goodbye. Do you know that every night i pray to God to make me stop loving you, dear best friend? :)The 8 letters were never came out of my mouth. If only you knew how I wanted to say 'I love you.." When you hugged me and said ‘i’m your best friend’ i wanted to scream ‘our friendship is torturing me!’I almost love how we're holding back and never show our feelings and pretend that we're just a couple strangers.I remember when you held my hand and whispered in my ear 'I love you. Be mine.' It was the best dream of my life.There's lie in believe. I guess by now you know i lied when i said i don't believe in love and i don't love you.Why do I have to ruin something so perfect with fall in love? Why do i have this urge to make you mine? Why?Why can't our friendship turns into something sweeter like ... love relationship? This is a rhetorical question.I miss the time when we were still friends before i perfectly ruined it by saying things i should not have said.I was blinded by the sun. I thought we were having fun. And I thought someday you would realize, you are the one.John Mayer was right. I had to choose between friends, lovers, or nothing. It was nothing after i said 'i love you."You laughed the happy laugh. I laughed the bitter one. A laugh that didn't even reach my eyes. And it's .. okay.I wish we could look at each other' eyes and not look away. I wish Cupid would tear off his arrow from my heart.If we're never meant to be, then why did we have to meet at all? At least, I love you. At least, I have the courage to say it to you. Even though you ran. And gone. I'm sorry.When my expectation did not meet the reality, all I can do is walking away. Shattered.There is no 'I' in love. But there's 'i' in live. And I will live. Even in loneliness. And watching you from afar.I choose to stay silent because I just can't bear the thought and can't afford of losing you and our friendship. I should have known the idea of you love me back is a false hope. Yet I kept on hoping. And pretending.
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Kamis, 07 Maret 2013
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